I Believe

Found Out

     I didn’t realize I had no firm beliefs until my employer, who happened to be a psychologist, found me out many years ago.

     “You don’t believe in anything,” she marveled, looking right through me when she caught my eye in an unguarded moment at a staff party.

     I was mortified and afraid. It was a sign of moral weakness to have no firm beliefs, no convictions to stand up for. Without beliefs, I’d be a formless nothing in the world. My greatest fear.

     For years I told myself her observation couldn’t be true. Of course I had beliefs! Hadn’t I taken many stands—against war, poverty, greed, misogyny, racism, consumerism, animal abuse, nuclear power, illegal drugs?

     And hadn’t I made clear my beliefs in peace, charity, compassion, equality, diversity, simplicity, animal rights, green energy, legal dope?

     But then I realized. Civilization is heading for collapse because of beliefs. True or false, right or wrong, good or evil. People hold so passionately to their irreconcilable beliefs that they’d sooner wipe each other out than change their minds.

      That’s when it occurred to me that my psychologist-boss had paid me a compliment at that party so long ago. To believe in nothing is sanity in a world gone insane over beliefs.

     Do I believe in peace? Of course. But war happens, radically changing lives.
     Charity and compassion are virtues, but they can be exploited by impostors and scoundrels.

     Equality is tricky business when a situation requires superior abilities.

     Diversity means leaving the ancestors behind.
     Simplicity can be parsimony, or excessive self-sacrifice.

     Consideration for the rights of animals can lead to rabid attacks.
     Green energy may not serve the needs of all. After all, wind farms kill birds.
     And even if dope is legal, paranoia knows no legal boundaries, with drug-induced psychotic episodes wreaking havoc in relationships.

     What am I to believe when there’s truth in every falsehood, a wrong in every right, a good in every evil? As soon as I believe this, I leave out that. Then the troubles begin.

     I strive daily to accept it all. It’s a steep climb.